Mirror Mirror on the Wall ... if you’re going to lie why speak at all?

My wife recently had a spell in hospital (she is recovering well, thank you) and, apart from the unpleasantness of surgery, found the care and facilities to be wonderful. Except for one thing: the mirror in the bathroom.

When she first told me, “it makes me look terrible”, she saw my 'husband face' (or, in Biblical terms, my 'Thomas face') and realised I wouldn’t believe it unless I saw it for myself, so into the bathroom we went.

And she was right, the me that I normally see in a mirror was not the me that bounced back from the shiny glass. That which I like best was blurry and shaded and that which I like less leapt out in sharp focus. After discussion we decided the cause of the distortion was not our personal deterioration, it was the colour, flicker and placement of the bathroom light.

It is part of the human condition to be self aware, sometimes to our own detriment. We hold mirrors to our selves and our souls and make judgements about our attractiveness, capacities and value on the basis of the reflection.

Sadly, for too many of us, and far too often, our judgements are harsh. When asked to quickly write down their five most prominent physical features, for many people the first two or three are negatives (what just crossed your mind?) When reflecting on personal progress over the previous weeks/months/years it is easy for the failures and disappointments to race to our minds, but the successes and thrills need prising out.

It is the mirror’s fault, and this is complicated by the flood into our consciousness of social media.

Our mirror is badly lit by the bright lights of others’ best pictures and best accomplishments. The image goes out of focus because of the overly high expectations others put on us (or that we think they have for us). It is smudged by the ugly or demeaning nicknames we had as children or the negative encounters we have at school or work. It is blackened with age spots by the memories of where we have tried and failed.

Self reflection is good … when the mirror is true.

The mirror is true when we see our value from what we have achieved, and identify our needs for change in where we have fallen short. It is true when it captures the vision of our worth in those who love us, not in those whom we wish to love us, and certainly not in those who don’t. It is true when it clearly focuses on the reality that we only have limited scope to tinker with our physical appearance to be more attractive but have boundless scope to tinker with the social and emotional “me” that can make us genuinely and universally attractive.

In this highly competitive, fast moving, often narcissistic, world we need to be careful how the mirror to our soul is lit, and how often it is cleaned. The lighting and cleansing can come from the teachings of our faith, the wisdom of our elders, the stories from great literature, or honest and frank discussion with our friends; but if we are to truly see ourselves for who we are and can be, come it must.